“Western cultures believe we must be alive for a purpose; to work, to make money. Some indigenous cultures believe we’re alive just as nature is alive; to be here, to be beautiful and strange. We don’t need to achieve anything to be valid in our humanness.”
I always say that self-care begins with believing you are something worth taking care of. And for me personally I always felt I had an innate sense of self-worth. But this year I heard my body telling me I needed to slow down and to do less. A lot less. And oh my, did it uncover something I wasn’t expecting.
As I tried to do less and get comfortable with not filling every hour of every day with productivity based activities I felt really guilty. Guilty because I wasn’t maximising my time; shameful for doing ‘nothing’. And it was really uncomfortable. I realised that I placed my value in what I was achieving or producing or giving or fixing. And I know I am not the only one. Who else sees a gap appear in their diary and instantly feels the urge to fill it with another task off their to-do list?
Society tells us that our worth is transactional. If we achieve, if we are being productive, if we are contributing, solving, giving, doing, being busy etc. then we are worthy. If what we are doing has an outcome then it holds value. But I started to question ‘what if I did things for no specific outcome other than the joy or peace it brought?’. I started practising ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’. After all, I am a human being.
Now, of course I realise that we all need to work and provide to survive. But accepting that we are worthy just for being alive, before any of the productivity and achievements really does make a difference to how you see yourself and how you approach these things. Producing and achieving to gain a sense of worth will keep you trapped in an unhealthy cycle of seeking external validation, making it impossible to get out of that cycle. However, giving yourself validation first and foremost means that you feel worthy regardless of the ‘doing’. And the result is that you are able to release some of the pressure off yourself, slow down and find more joy in life.
Here’s some ways to start practising ‘being’ instead of ‘doing’:
- Turn off all distractions, find somewhere comfortable and sit with silence. Allow your thoughts to come and go but if you start to feel like you ‘should’ be doing something, remind yourself that it can wait and right now, you are worthy of this time. Start with a few minutes if you find this hard and then gradually increase the time.
- Find non-productive joys. Things that have no particular outcome or result. Things you enjoy doing purely because they bring you joy. For example dancing, colouring or listening to music.
- Create empty space in your diary and resist the urge to fill it. Use that time to rest, be still and quiet.
- Take inspiration from your pets – I sure bet your pet pooch or cat doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt for snoozing or laying on the sofa!
Journal prompts:
When do I feel most worthy?
Who am I when I am not being busy?
What would I do differently if I believed I was enough already?
Affirmations:
‘My worth is constant, not conditional’
‘I am worthy simply because I exist’